My Talk (as requested)

There will never be another role more rewarding than that of a wife and a mother. Motherhood is the noblest and greatest of all callings. I am speaking today on the Joy of Motherhood. One of our greatest joys is helping our children to learn of the Lord and his plan for our happiness. The Apostle Paul wrote in his Epistle to the Ephesians, in Chapter 6 verse 4, "…provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

When the bishop informed us of our topic and as I have been thinking about the "joys" that I have felt, many great stories of "joy" have come to mind. Unfortunately, most of the stories that immediately came to my mind are probably not appropriate to share over the pulpit. As I’ve spent the last two weeks pondering this topic, many other great stories have come to mind about my experiences with my own children.

Many of you know Mike and Kelly Solomon, who lived next door to us for several years. As a pilot for Delta Airlines, Mike was often gone overnight and Kelly made a habit of turning in as soon as the sun went down. It is worth noting at this point that their daughter, Erin, was known to walk the streets of the neighborhood with candy falling out of her pockets. The smarter kids in the neighborhood figured this out very quickly and would follow Erin wherever she went until the candy ran out.

One particular warm summer evening, a group of the neighbors was gathered outside in the street enjoying each other’s company. As usual, Kelly rounded up her children and ushered them off to bed well before anyone else was ready to call it a night.

Some time later sound asleep in her bed, Kelly was startled by the sound of rustling coming from inside her house. With Mike out of town, she was already a little uncomfortable and this noise was more than alarming as it sounded as though someone was in her kitchen.

Kelly slowly worked her way to the kitchen, on the way confirming that both of her own children were sound asleep. By the time she reached the end of the hall, she was confident that she had an intruder in the house.

She could see the pantry door was open and could hear distinct rummaging sounds coming from inside. She approached quietly until she could see the intruder quite clearly. There in her pantry was two-year-old Will Cannon foraging for some candy.

To this day, no one remembers Will going missing and no one knows how he got into her house.

As many of you know, Will and Ben are not quite fifteen months apart. Shortly after giving birth to Will, I struggled with conflicted feelings about so quickly welcoming another baby into our home. To put it bluntly, I was a wreck.

As I am sure many of you have felt, I didn’t know how I could share my love with another baby without taking any love away from Will. Once Ben arrived, those feelings quickly diminished and I was in love all over again. As time went by, the boys were so busy and I felt very overwhelmed. I felt completely outnumbered and very incapable. I hardly left the house without Mark. I am sure that once Mark arrived home from work, all he wanted to do was be home and relax. I on the other hand – had been home all day and was ready to get out of the house, I needed a change of scenery.

Looking back now, I realize how hard it really was. That I was so overwhelmed with everything I didn’t completely enjoy the moments with them. Now that my little family has gotten a bit older (and with the addition of our little Max – a little larger too) I have been able to be more relaxed even though my responsibilities as a mother have increased. I know what to expect, at least for now, and I am so much more comfortable and able to feel more joy. It seems though as the kids have gotten older, the busier our lives have become. With sports, school and church responsibilities, it is overwhelming at times. A friend of mine recently shared a story with me, and wondered to us, her friends, how to resolve her feelings of inadequacy.

Before I tell this story, it is important that you know that a "tuppance" is a UK monetary unit roughly equivalent to two pennies.

Mary Poppins told Michael & Jane about a woman who sat on the steps of the cathedral to feed the birds every day. She wondered if their father ever saw the bird woman as he bustled to and from work everyday.

Early each day to the steps of Saint Paul's
The little old bird woman comes.
In her own special way to the people she calls,
"Come, buy my bags full of crumbs.
Come feed the little birds, show them you care
And you'll be glad if you do.
Their young ones are hungry,
Their nests are so bare;
All it takes is tuppence from you."

"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag,
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag."
"Feed the birds," that's what she cries,
While overhead, her birds fill the skies.
All around the cathedral the saints and apostles
Look down as she sells her wares.
Although you can't see it, you know they are smiling
Each time someone shows that he cares.

Though her words are simple and few,
Listen, listen, she's calling to you:
"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag,
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag."

I don't want to miss the important moments because I'm constantly busy; I want to feed my little birds! I am sure all of us mothers feel the same way. Struggling with keeping the house clean and running the household, just keeping on top of everything……

Last weekend while listening to General Conference, I was grateful to hear the words of Elder M. Russell Ballard and his remarks on young mothers. During his talk, he asked and answered four questions regarding how to make mothers’ lives more rewarding. The questions he asked were:

What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?
What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of their children?
What can children, even young children, do?
What can the Church do?

I loved his instruction to the husbands - to let your wives have time away, to play and active role in your family, to validate your wife and thank her often and to regularly talk with your wife about each child’s needs and what you can do to help.

One evening after arriving home from some "away time", I walked into our bedroom, to Ben, fast asleep, under the foot of our bed. I could only see his leg, which was extended out past the foot of the bed. I immediately noticed the paraphernalia surrounding Ben and wondered where Mark was during this time.

I pulled Ben out from under the bed and notice his new, nicely painted red toenails. He actually did a good job, for a two-year-old. I also noticed the red polish that was spilled on our carpet surrounding out bed. After trying and failing to remove the polish from our carpet, I resolved to rearrange our furniture, covering up the lovely reminder. I only look back now with laughter, and wish that I had taken a photograph for posterity.

I also loved his instruction to the children - You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.
You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.
Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.

The question directed at young mothers was what impacted me the most while thinking about this talk. He said,

"First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."

He shared these thoughts from author Anna Quindlen. "The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less"(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11)."

We need to remember that amid all of the chaos in life that our children are learning and are still trying to figure everything out.

Just last week, when I found a spare moment to jump in the shower, Max decided to help his dear old mom by "cleaning". I knew that something wasn’t right when Max wasn’t standing on the other side of the glass from me, as he always does every day. He hadn’t been around for a while, and you just know that it isn’t a good thing when a toddler is quiet. I quickly finished and rushed out to see to where he had disappeared. As I was leaving the bathroom, Max met me in my bedroom with the empty industrial sized Jet Dry from Costco in his little hands. As I stepped into the blue goo puddle on my bedroom carpet, sis reaction to me was simply put – "cleanin." I followed the drips to the kitchen, where I noticed he cleaned the walls, the rug, and a kitchen cabinet door. What a great helper! Whenever I am cleaning, he loves to help out. After all, it’s just the two of us most days, and he is my little sidekick. He has to get out all of the attachments to the vacuum, or to my steamer, and is right along side me to help me out.

Elder Ballard continued, "Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, "Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other." Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together."

"Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. …Don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it."

Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, "We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised."

A friend of mine sent me the following poem from an unknown author:

No written word nor mortal plea
Can teach children what they should be,
Nor all the books upon the shelves
Except what parents are themselves.

I want to thank my Heavenly Father for this opportunity to stand before you this day and to also thank him for my beautiful family, whom I love with all of my heart. I am so thankful for my sweet family and the joy that they bring to my life. I hope that we can all be more mindful of the joys in our lives and take time to "feed the birds."

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

(Thanks Amy for the Mary Poppins blog post and Debbie for the poem and Elder Ballard for the GC talk! It really wasn't that bad, but I don't want to do it again any time soon. Now I can get on with my life and quit stressing about it!!!)